4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
