Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
