Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize