I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize