thus making me awesome and them whores
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
