Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
