I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
