In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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