help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
