I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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