Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
