There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
