Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
