I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
