hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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