you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
