Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
