Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
