So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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