I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
