It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
