Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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