good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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