You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
