Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
