god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think i got beer on your cat.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize