First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
