I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
