Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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