Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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