I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
