It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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