i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
