it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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