I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize