onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize