Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
