awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
