Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
