I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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