So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
