I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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