shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
