New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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