I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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