Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
