your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
