thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
