How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
