Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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