If that was your dad, he is hot
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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