Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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