He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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