my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
