Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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