i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
