Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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