Umm I'm too high to move.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
