Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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