my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I believe in your delicious
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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