Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
