My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
