Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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