I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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