i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
