I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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