After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
