I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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