so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
