I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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