Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
