You smell like stripper and shame
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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