the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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