He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize