So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Never underestimate the power of titties
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
