In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
