Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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