so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
