so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize