You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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