When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
