you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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