I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
