Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
