If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
