So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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