you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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