Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
