I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
