Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
