the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
