went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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