He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
