If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize