Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
