Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
