I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
