she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
