this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
