six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
