I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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