You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
