It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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