"it" just moved
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
