Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize