So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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