She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
