Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
