Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize