We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
