i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
